apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
