matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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