Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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