I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
