Someone shit on the floor
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
