were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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