I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Randomize
