My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
