all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
