Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
