Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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