why didn't you poke me back
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize