as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Princesses don't give blow jobs
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize