i think i have herpe
just one?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
