How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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