A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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