I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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