Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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