we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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