Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
