Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
