Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
