I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
