Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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