who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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