dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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