i just wanna soil my oats bro
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
