I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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