im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
