I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
