I just threw up on my dentist
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
