I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
