WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
