Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
