Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
