The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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