I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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