Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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