I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
