It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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