I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
