Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
