i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
