I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
