I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
