he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
