Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize