One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
