Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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