Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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