Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
