I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
