does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
