How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
