if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
