oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Randomize
