My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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