i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize