they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
