youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
