I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
