you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
