I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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