Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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