just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
