i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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