I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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