Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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