Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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