And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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