We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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